CHOOSING RIGHTLY (2)

Prov.18.22 – He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord. [NKJV]

Let’s break this down.

To find means one has to search. Jesus said, seek and you will find. He who will find a wife must first seek her. There ought to be some searching. Not Google searching but prayerful soul searching.

You don’t go about looking for a wife in town. That’s not what is meant here. I have said that Adam was at rest minding his own business until God decided to give him a helper. Adam wasn’t searching for Eve in the garden. He was about the Father’s business. Anxious searching isn’t how to seek a suitable partner. It is by peaceful rest in the Lord. It was from Adam’s rest in God’s presence that Eve came. Don’t walk around with boiling blood, pointing lamps at faces in trying to find a good spouse. There still ought to be some seeking. I’m not saying it’s wrong to think about marriage.

If the Bible says “He who finds”, he’s not talking about stumbling on a person. He’s not talking about a crush. If you need to find, then you need to seek. If you need to seek, then it’s not a matter of accidental crush. You can crush on a woman, but you can only find a wife. You’ll understand more soon.

To find means first seeking. But what do we seek? He who finds a WIFE means the person doesn’t become a wife when married. She is a wife when she’s found. It means she is wifely. She is a marriageable material. You will see wifely features in Proverbs 31. She must be a helper. She must be respectful. She must be wise. A wise woman builds her house. An unwise woman can’t make a home. She can only break it.

This also applies to HUSBANDS. Ladies, you must see a husband in him before you marry him. A husband is hardworking, not a lazy man. Because he who isn’t a worker doesn’t need a helper. A husband is a provider. Check that by his kindness. It doesn’t mean make him your sponsor or cast all you burdens upon him because he cares for you. No! It means he has to be kind. Even if he’s not rich, he should care about your needs. If he doesn’t care when he’s broke, he won’t care when he becomes rich.

A husband is also a teacher. Adam was on the scene before Eve. He had to teach her. A husband has to be able to teach you. It is part of his ministry in a marriage. A husband is a companion. When Adam saw Eve, He went to her. I imagine him receiving her from God and hugging her, saying, “this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.” He was affectionate. What they sometimes call “romantic”. Adam didn’t continue gazing at goats and giraffes and thinking about animals and trees when Eve was presented to him. He paused and loved on her. He praised her, held her, complemented her. He had some time with her and incorporated her into the garden duties. A husband must be an affectionate companion. He must be a protector and a defense.

Look for a wife, not just a lady or woman. Look for a husband, not just a guy or man. Marriage is for husband and wife, not man and woman. To look for a wife or husband means, be concerned about things that will really matter in marriage.

A beautiful face doesn’t make a beautiful marriage. That face may become a punching bag if the mouth on it is uncircumcised. Good dresses and makeup, you won’t marry that. You marry the person. And she will be as raw as can be before most of the time; without makeup, face to face with you. Beauty is good. But in the long term, it fades. Beauty is for beauty pageants, marriage is for wives. Anointing is for ministers of God, marriage is for wives. We don’t marry beauty or anointing or gift or talent. We don’t marry your level of education. We marry wives. Likewise, we don’t marry six packs or muscles or money. We don’t marry fame or handsomeness. We marry husbands. Marriage is for husbands and wives. If it’s marriage you want, then look for a wife/husband, not a woman/man.

If you want a wife, why choose a knife? Always quarreling, nagging, fighting? If you want a quarrel, choose her. But if you want a marriage, choose a wife. She’s anointed. Is she a wife? She’s a slay queen. Is she a wife?

He who finds a wife finds a GOOD THING. Marriage isn’t a good thing if you don’t find the good person. The good THING here isn’t the woman, but the marriage. Marriage isn’t a good thing if you don’t find or choose the right person. Marriage is a good thing with the right person. It can be hell as well, with the wrong person. It is he or she who finds the right person that finds a good marriage.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing , and obtains FAVOR of the Lord. Marriage isn’t a right. It’s first and foremost a privilege. Adam didn’t demand a wife. God gifted her to him. Marriage must be seen as a divine privilege and not a human right. If it is a right, then you choose whether to marry a man or woman, same or opposite sex. You choose who and how to marry. You consider a delay an abuse of your right. You get offended when you have to wait for it. You are bitter when the person you desire doesn’t become yours. But marriage is a privilege. You accept it with a thankful heart. You accept who God gives you, how He does it and when He does it. Marriage is divine favor. We aren’t entitled but graced with good marriage.

Pious D. Serwonu