It was love at first sight between Jacob and Rachel. He hugged her and wept like a baby even on the very first date. This was not the typical tears of joy. His own brother frightened him, but he found a stranger who felt warmer than a sister. Jacob worked for the next seven years, putting in his all, just to pay off Rachel’s bride price. After seven years of sweating in waiting, they saved the date, and the wedding was great. I imagine Jacob had a very good night with his new wife. He gave her all he had been waiting to give. I can imagine the kisses and the great sex, perhaps the moaning.
The next morning, Jacob was happy. His work had paid off. His desire was granted. But on a second look, Rachel was not the one in bed. The sun peeped through the windows and he discovered it. He was with Leah all-night long. Jacob immediately forgot all the pleasure of last night and complained to his father in-law, “why did you trick me? I wanted Rachel, not her sister.” (Genesis 29)
There are a few lessons to learn, dear reader.
1. Good sex doesn’t necessarily secure a man’s heart
Even though Jacob really enjoyed sex with Leah, it was all because his mind was set on Rachel. When he realized it was not Rachel, his sexual interest in Leah reduced. The fact that Leah tastes good sexually didn’t change his mind from Rachel.
My dear sister, don’t think you can trap a man into committing love to you simply by getting them to have sex with you. Don’t think you can steal another’s pearl with your sexual expertise. He will enjoy you in the act and abhor you after that. Reason up!
Since good sex doesn’t secure a man, don’t compromise and fornicate just to keep a guy – and vice versa.
2. Don’t marry in the dark
It is strange that Jacob slept with a different woman all-night but didn’t realize until morning. Many today say, Love is blind. It was the craze for sex that blinded Jacob, not just the veil or the dark room. The accumulated sexual craving intoxicated him. He didn’t converse with his wife. He didn’t play with her. He didn’t get to know her. He went straight ahead and had sex.
Just as Jacob was blinded by sexual passion, many youth today are blinded by same. They don’t build friendship. They don’t see clear flaws, deep cracks and red flags. When the morning breaks, the realize they covenant-ed sexually with a person but woke up to a totally different person. The only time they are happy is together in bed. When the lights are turned on, it’s disappointment all day. Some even manage these relationships into marriage. Danger is, marriage isn’t a one night stand. It’s for a lifespan.
3. Be something beyond your sexy body
Jacob caressed and curdled a different woman from the one he’d crushed on for seven years with strong yearning. He laid with her all night long and didn’t even notice whether the curves were different or the hair was different. He didn’t know. Until day broke, he thought that was Rachel. This means, as far as Jacob’s own imaginations of Rachel’s body was concerned, those were the very hips he pictured, the curves – everything. Leah’s body felt just like her sister’s.
Sisters, your body isn’t your uniqueness. Others have the same body. If they don’t, in the act of sex, men don’t notice the difference. If you’re going to be the sought-after one, there must be something beyond your shape and butt. Another person can duplicate the sexual experience you can give your spouse. What they can’t duplicate is you – the real you. Beyond your sexy body, who are you?
4. The Dream Girl is a Dream Girl
Jacob’s experience plays itself out similarly in certain cases not when people marry out of ignorance but when they have unrealistic expectations of the marriage. Some think marriage is all about sex. As for the sex, he could enjoy it. But the marriage, he didn’t like.
It is important to understand that marriage is more than sex. Marriage is a responsibility to love beyond the bedroom. It’s a commitment to love a person with all their inadequacies and weaknesses, all their strengths as well.
When you marry Esther but still have your mind on Rebecca, your marriage becomes miserable. Your wife becomes a mirage and a symbol that gives you visual imaginations of the other woman, even during sex. She is constantly compared to someone she can never be. The result is that none of you is satisfied with the marriage.
It is important to know that the dream girl is actually just a dream girl. The dream guy is a dream. Every person has got unique issues. They say, “The devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know.” Learn to appreciate the uniqueness of your spouse, because you never know the skeletons in the dream girls chop box.
Jacob didn’t accept Leah, he went out for the “dream girl” Rachel. He thought Leah wasn’t good for him. But it was the dream girl who later stole her father’s idols and took them along to Jacob’s new house. Leah may have her issues, but Rachel isn’t an angel. She imported idols into the house of “saint Jacob”. Shame and embarrassment! (Genesis 31:22-35)
Don’t be deceived and don’t think the strange woman will the perfect one. If she is too good to be true, that is true. That he’s too kind and sweet, doesn’t mean he has no bitter side. Concentrate on your marriage or courtship. The grass is greener where it is watered. Love and cherish your marriage. Keep your eyes on your spouse. And stop looking outside, comparing and wishing you were with the other brother/sister instead.
