Joseph despite being maltreated and sold out by his brothers became powerful in the land of Egypt. He’s used by God to preserve his brothers and their family, including his father Jacob, during a severe famine. After the demise of his father, however, Joseph’s brothers are afraid Joseph may finally repay them for all the evil they did against him. And so Joseph’s brothers decide to apologize and submit themselves to Joseph as servants. They want to win his favor, otherwise, they’re no safe. Because Joseph is second to Pharaoh and has the power to punish them. Joseph however handles this apology in a very humble way that we can learn from. Here are three things we can learn from Joseph on how to eschew bitterness and forgive instead of revenge.
16 So they sent messengers to Joseph, saying, “Before your father died he commanded, saying, 17 – “Thus you shall say to Joseph: “I beg you, please forgive the trespass of your brothers and their sin; for they did evil to you.“‘ Now, please, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of your father.” And Joseph wept when they spoke to him. 18 – Then his brothers also went and fell down before his face, and they said, “Behold, we are your servants.” 19 – Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? 20 – But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. 21 – Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. (Genesis 50:16-21, NKJV)
1. God MEANT IT for good
This point begets the others. Joseph first did not take their offense too personally because He accepted that it was God’s mysterious working through them. God didn’t only use what they did for good but God MEANT IT for good. God had a plan that factored in the betrayal of his brothers, just like in the case of Jesus.
This strange and matured understanding of Joseph, I believe, is the reason we don’t see him demonstrate even an iota of bitterness towards his brothers when he had every opportunity to. He cried because he had missed them. He longed to see them again. He helped them and their families. But we never see Joseph even rebuking his brothers for their act or hating them in a moment of weakness. This is too unnatural of a man. I believe the secret is what Joseph reveals in Genesis 50:20 – the understanding that God was working even through the evil intents and acts for greater purposes.
Joseph’s understanding shifted from what humans had done against him to what God had done through them. And so, Joseph didn’t see himself as the person who should be forgiving others for their role in the grand plan of God.
Joseph saw God as the In-Charge. If God’s in charge and was in control, who am I to dwell on your wrongdoings as if they had any power to thwart God’s plans? It was all working for my good. I don’t know what God thinks about you, but I’m too small to be the one you have offended or the one who should free you of any guilt. Joseph does not say with pride that he forgives his brothers as though he had a choice.
When we accept our small role in the bigger affairs of God and understand how God orchestrates all things in our favor, we don’t focus on people’s offenses so much. Therefore, we may not even need to forgive them – because we’re not offended. It’s the proud who’s easily offended and assumes the place of God as the person who can either choose to forgive people (free them of guilt) or revenge against them (punish their sins).
Having Joseph’s kind of understanding makes us humble. We then see the hand of God more than the schemes of the enemy. The bigger canvas of God’s wondrous artwork which combines everything into a masterpiece arrests our attention. And when brothers on earth draw our attention to the dark and messy colors that they contributed through offenses and betrayal, we point them back to God, the Artist of our Lives. We see the beauty, and we may dare bless them for their contribution – or rather bless God, instead of curse them.
2. Joseph did not arrogate to himself the power to forgive or avenge
Joseph did not accept the position of being the one who should forgive them. Sometimes, we proudly take the place of God by thinking people have offended us when indeed the person most offended should be God. The most holy person should feel most offended, not us, who have committed similar or worse sins against others. I sincerely believe God often looks over us and asks “Are you right in your anger?” What right do we have, after God has forgiven our huge debts to be even asking others of the smaller debts they owe us? For Joseph, all debts are owed to God and he wasn’t even keeping the books for God. It is in the place of God to forgive sinners. Joseph refuses to be the one who can set his brothers free from their guilt. Because indeed human forgiveness only repairs relationships, but ultimate blotting away of sins comes only from God. So Joseph would not arrogate a right he didn’t have. It is God’s place to punish or to forgive, and Joseph refused to meddle in either.
Joseph appeared not to have a choice other than loving his brothers. His brothers thought that he could legitimately avenge or revenge, but he saw it as God’s prerogative and not his business.
Joseph understood that God is the one sins are ultimately committed against. This is the understanding that saved him from sinning against his master Potiphar by taking his wife. Similarly, in this matter, he had a humble view of himself as a simple tool in God’s plans. If there’s anyone who has the power to punish people, it is the Class Teacher and not the Class Prefect. Joseph knows his place as a redeemer sent ahead, and God’s place as the Master Strategist. Why then should his brothers be receiving forgiveness or punishment from Him? It is God who forgives or avenges.1
Joseph thus limited his place to that of a savior sent ahead for a purpose. He continues in that purpose gladly and kindly. He leaves all the other matters raised to God. He has no wisdom in such matters. How did God mean for good what my brothers meant for evil? Are my brothers responsible for the betrayal or should I just credit it to God’s mysterious ways? Joseph looked back and left all those to God. He remained with his purpose and what God had sent him to do. He kept on loving them deeply as though nothing had happened.
Offenses are too complicated to navigate. Bible says human wrath does not work out God’s will. Vengeance is God’s sole domain. Only God, because of His unmatchable Holiness, can handle wrath and not be consumed in evil. Joseph refuses to intermingle in all that. It’s too dangerous, and God says don’t go there.
‘…leave it to the wrath of God… “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”‘ (Romans 12:19, ESV)
“If you are angry, you cannot do any of the good things that God wants done.” (James 1:20, CEV)
“The wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (James 1:20, NKJV)
Especially for ministers of God, we must flush out offenses because they are traps. The sun must not go down on our anger. We cannot do what God wants us to do while nursing anger. Anger is not one of the things we should manage. We must let it go, leave it to God. It was up to God to deal with the wickedness of others. We are all accountable to God, and – Joseph says – I’m not going to judge you before the day comes (1 Cor. 4:5). Am I in the place of God?
3. Joseph refused to use forgiveness to lord over his brothers.
There are those of us who will “forgive” offenders only so we can have the upper hand in our relationship with them. To us, we want to be able to show them that we are holier and better friends, and so they should remain grateful and faithful to us. A wife may forgive her husband only so she can have the upper hand in the relationship as the more righteous person. She may in turn use the forgiveness to manipulate the man or tip power balances in the marriage. One forgiveness from a man can be used to make his woman a slave in the relationship. We can keep people indebted by our forgiveness in a way that burdens them in the long term. In fact, in my view, it seems better to revenge an act once than to “forgive” it in order to burden the offenders forever. None is recommended by God though.
To understand this better, imagine that someone owes you. You can either take the money from them, forgive them, or make them pay by becoming your servant. To take the money from them means exchanging positions. That is revenge. You close books. What was taken is taken back. Forgiving them means not taking the money at all – that’s liberating them from the burden. But there is the second “forgiveness” where you do not take back your money. But because you won’t take back your money, the person must serve you instead. The person becomes your servant. The person remains indebted to you although they can never pay enough. They don’t just feel grateful for your forgiveness and thus serve you voluntarily. Rather, you (the “forgiver”) use subtle means to cause the “forgiven” to continue to serve for your benefit by reminding them of the debt they owed you – a debt you have supposedly written off. You use the “forgiven” debt to enslave them and become powerful over them.
Joseph refused to take the money back but wouldn’t also lord over these debtors who are his brothers. Joseph simply wrote it all off – No! He refused to keep record of it, just as 1 Cor. 13:5 says is characteristic of Love. He refused to have his brothers as servants simply because they owed him gratitude for the undeserving kindness. Joseph freely forgave, with no strings attached, with his brothers’ respect and their dignity intact. Don’t use forgiveness to enslave people in your relationships. Forgiveness sets free.
Conclusion
This perspective Joseph had, I believe, is one that he grew into through his experiences with God. He may have had some bitterness towards his brothers in the beginning (though we are not told). He’s human. I don’t think he wasn’t tempted in the way we all would if we experienced what he did. But God manifested Himself in Joseph’s story so much that Joseph came to have a clean view. In retrospect, Joseph sees the God factor, he remembers how God cushioned him from all the suffering that his brothers wished for him. So Joseph was not standing in the past where he might’ve been anxious and didn’t know what the future may bring. That’s not where he was while speaking those words. But he’s speaking as a grownup who now has a better perspective and sees no need to harbor bitterness.
The good news is, we don’t need to wait to grow through to the end of our lives to have this perspective. We can learn from the story of Joseph and save ourselves from any bitterness and hate or revenge. In faith, we can know that God will work all things together for our good. We can sit back in peace and let God be God. Remember, it is ultimately the place of God to forgive or punish sins. It is the gravest and most original sin – the sin of Satan – to attempt to take the place of God. So may our understanding of the place of God be so deep that we refuse to overprice our forgiveness in relational reconciliation and thereby hold it back from people or use it to hold them hostage for manipulation.
