2. FEELING
Following our discovery that the Sex urge is very inherent and is built into us by God, we learnt yesterday that one way to control this natural urge from leading us into immorality and disaster is to avoid environments and situations that super-tune, magnify and amplify it in us, especially as singles or with persons other than our spouses. It means, apart from the natural whispers we have in our body for sex, we shouldn’t amplify the urge we should be controlling. Otherwise, it may become to pressing and commanding to control.
We saw that pornography should therefore be avoided. We said, even if pornography doesn’t lead us into sexual sin, it gives us a wrong perception of sex and make us lose sense of its sacred nature. Other things that illegally trigger our sexual feelings were mentioned.
But today, we want to be on the positive side. If sexual feeling is inherent in all of us all the time and can be triggered to increase or controlled to decrease depending on the environment we encourage around us and what we think about, then to couples it means they are always ready for sex.
Do not refuse to have sex with each other, unless both of you agree to stop for a short time. So then you can use your time to pray. But you should come together again soon. You need each other so that Satan cannot cause you to have sex with other people. (1 Cor. 7:5, Easy English)
If you read from verse 3, Paul says clearly that a husband should be always available to satisfy the sexual needs of his wife. And the wife should be ready to satisfy her husband sexually. They should be under the compulsion of love. The only exception he allows is when they both agree to do without sex for sometime. Yet, he advises no one starves the other forcefully or for long. You just can’t starve your husband of sex because he offended you. It’s most clearly against scripture and unlovely.
But what I like us to observe from what the Holy Spirit writes through Paul is the underlying assumption that the couples are always ready for sex. And it is a matter of will, and not of capacity. This agrees with what we learnt earlier. That in every one of us at any time, there is a natural sex instruction or feeling encoded in us.
So like everyone of us, couples are always ready for sex. Sex is running through their veins every time. If it happens that anyone of them isn’t in the mood, all they have to do is create an atmosphere that excites the sexual feeling in them. Are you married? Next time, you don’t feel for sex, remember the feeling is right there in you. It is not in heaven, that you should pray for it. It is not under the earth, that you might dig for it. It is right there in you in that moment. Therefore in love and in obedience to scripture, you should allow yourself to be romanced into the mood.
Again, to the other person who is urgently in the mood for sex, you don’t also just take what you want. Instead, you draw your spouse along. Husband, draw the woman along. Don’t rape her. Sex is for mutual enjoyment. So the way of love is that you control yourself enough through foreplay, so that she also enjoys. And she also allows and enhances the process to help satisfy you.
When we are both on the giving side, no one is cheated. And no one lacks. Love must reign in the marriage bed, not just emotions, moods or hormones and feelings. Agape must reign. I am aware there are times where the woman is naturally not very ready for sex. For example, when she is menstruating, or when she is pregnant. In such times, the posture of a husband who loves wouldn’t be to find satisfaction else where or to forcefully rape her. But to exercise self-control, be patient and love her.
So you see that self-control is still important after you have married? That’s why God wants to use your years of being single, to teach you that the strong sexual urge should be and can be controlled. Isn’t God so wise? He allows you to master how to control the sex urge, even before you marry. Otherwise, in marriage, that urge will still be disastrous.
Discussion:
What should a single lady or gentleman learn from this message?
How has this message taught you about sex in marriage?
Kindly feel free to ask your questions too.
Pious D. Serwonu